Leaving the Ground Fallow
I know I haven’t written in a while and that’s a
bummer. I have so much to say and so
much going on that it’s hard to stop and reflect. That’s to say one can’t try though!
Things have been really great here. It just seems like 2015 has taken a shift in
an amazing direction. I’m outside
more. I’m getting more involved with the
Portland scene, like attending Chocolatefest, seeing protestors at Comicon, and
getting outside and enjoying the sights and the fresh air. It’s also thrown a fun twist—I’m dating
someone!
It’s just really mind-boggling when you think about it. The latter half of 2013 was a difficult and
tragic time for me and my family. To be
honest, 2014 was a year of surviving. It
wasn’t really living. I couldn’t invest
the time to do much else except for going through the motions and staying within
a comfort zone. The most I could do was
get up, go to work, go home, and go to bed without losing it. It’s part of the process, I’m told; it’s the
effort of trying to figure out how in the hell you can even survive after
losing someone. We lost Alex in December
of 2013. My family lost three of our
four pets in 9 months. My grandmother
passed away. It was a pretty dark and
emotional year, I’ll share that much. Going
through a period of time like that, it’s hard to grasp at the positive, let
alone have the strength to do day-to-day things. Life is just neutral. As my friend Toku said, “the ground was
fallow”.
The funny thing is that 2015 has had a completely different
spin to it. There’s a light and energy
to it. The steps to getting out and
living were small. I’d start by going to
a restaurant. Having a date night to
myself. Ask an old friend to go to coffee
and catch up. These little steps evolved
into going for my first hike alone, then challenging myself to take a chance on
a new friendship, which led to a relationship.
This led to new friends, new networking outlets, and brand-new
experiences. This year, though still in
its infancy, is robust and full of life and colors, as compared to the banality
of 2014.
I was sharing this same thought with a friend of mine, Toku, this past weekend. He listened carefully,
then challenged me to see it in a new light.
Rather than seeing 2014 as ‘not living’, he encouraged the thought of
seeing that time as ‘leaving the ground fallow’. From my extremely limited knowledge of farming
and agriculture, leaving a ground fallow means not planting any crops on a
portion of ground for a season. The
intention is to let the ground rebuild its nutrients and rest so that when it’s
time to plant again, the ground is revitalized.
This really resonated and made me stop and reflect. He was perfectly right and offered a lighter,
more compassionate way of thinking of the last year or so.
No, nothing can ever replace what we lose. We will always carry that ache in our hearts
as we continue our personal journeys.
However, I believe Alex would really like to see that adventures are
still taking place, stories are being written, and life is flourishing, even in
the darkest of times. In a way, I hope
it gives us something to talk about when we meet again one day.
Wishing you well as we dive headfirst into March!
al
P.S. Here's some fun pictures of early 2015 adventures:
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| Coffee at Coava. Their almond milk vanilla latte is the bomb. |
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| Saw a 1951 Rolls Royce. Swank. |
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| I had the great honor of meeting Gregory Gourdet, Executive Chef at Departure and finalist on Top Chef. His chocolate cake is ambrosia, or Food of the Gods. |
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| The Great Matriarch, Grandma. She was giving me pointers on how to make hummus and how raw broccoli can negate the effects of thyroid medication. This woman is incredible. |
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| Taking the BF on outdoorsy adventures.
P.P.S.S. I post pictures on Instagram all the time. You can find me under PickleandMerbles. I find weird, funny shit. Hashtagging like a boss.
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